Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
