i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
