So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
