Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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