god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have aggressive nipples.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
