U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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