Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
