I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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