I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
