Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
