life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
