Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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