just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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