I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
