I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
