soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
