I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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