are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
