the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
