I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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