I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
