she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
