I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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