I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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