I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
