Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we're so committed to being not committed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
