I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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