My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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