i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I love having hate sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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