i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
