Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
