I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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