Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Holy shit dude........stairs
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