The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
