Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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