headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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