That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
