He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize