tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
