Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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