She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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