Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
