You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
