I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
