They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
