I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
