if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
