please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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