They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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