i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
