she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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