I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
