cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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