yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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