The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
