never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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