you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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