Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
