I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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