god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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