so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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