How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
