Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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