so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
