It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
