Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We're too hungover to prance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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