I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
