I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
