HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
