Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
