"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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