a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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