So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
